When my five-year relationship with my ex ended, I knew things wouldn’t be easy. What I didn’t anticipate was the lengthy and frustrating battle to secure the child support payments to ensure financial stability for my ex and my child. Navigating a separation and Services Australia with a newborn was quite overwhelming. None of my friends, who had separated from their partners had “needed” child support to collect payments so I had no idea just how frustrating it would be. I was told I could get an exemption for 12 months but after that 12 month period, if I didn’t apply to child support then my Family Tax Benefit would be docked.

During our relationship, my ex convinced me to stop working and focus on building his business. I naively did that—growing it from $0 turnover to $500,000 in gross revenue [though I never saw the expenses]. I was told that this was “our future” and I was convinced to loan all my money to the business and in turn, he would pay our rent and pay me back.

After the separation, it became clear that getting him to fulfil his child support obligations or pay back the loan would be a challenge. My ex only declared around $60,000 on his tax returns, despite having a lifestyle that suggested a much higher income. I discovered most of his assets were hidden in other people’s names and paid for in cash, making it nearly impossible to trace his actual earnings. Through his job management system, I calculated $70,000 p/a in cash-jobs.

It wasn’t until he took me to family court to try and obtain the only wealth I had [my super], where he was required to provide financial disclosures, that I began to piece things together. From the bank statements I saw, he was spending over $100,000 a year on gambling, in the two years since separation he was taking overseas holidays at least six times a year, and his Uber Eats expenses alone were more than the child support debt he owed. When I ran the numbers, I estimated he was earning between $200,000 – $300,000 a year after taxes—significantly more than the amount he was declaring to both the ATO and Child Support.

I made 17 calls in the first 12 month period to Services Australia to follow up on collection and to request a departure prohibition order be placed on his passport, preventing overseas holidays until he repaid the $10,000 owing. Each time, I received the same response – “we’re looking into it”. It wasn’t until I wrote to Bill Shorten’s office that a DPO was swiftly placed on him and I was informed of legal pathways for possible collection and my options [one of them being a change of assessment under his capacity to earn]. However, each and every Services Australia representative has told me it will be hard to collect because my ex works for himself, will ignore garnishee orders, exploit known loopholes and continue to put assets in other’s names. Even the Family Court Registrar advised during mediation how it would all play out, as she’d previously worked at Services Australia and this behaviour had been happening for years.

While the Change of Assessment process left me with no financial privacy, all documents aren’t just shared with Services Australia but the other party, I had nothing to hide. I was living week-to-week, and had just been through financial disclosure in Family Court. He already had access to all my banking and mortgage information. There was a lot of paperwork though and I still found the process anxiety inducing and intimidating. I can appreciate for many women who’d previously experienced financial abuse that this would be too stressful.

My assessment was adjusted to match his financial resources more accurately—estimated conservatively at $200,000. However, it was largely academic, as there were no effective means of enforcing it. I’ve learnt that this is common for people who run their own business and a known loophole.

The Impact on Our Lives

The financial strain has been immense. I’ve had to move between my apartment and my parents’ house to make ends meet. Thankfully, my parents have a spare room and are able to provide some support. Meanwhile, my child’s father has shown no interest in spending time with his child.

My son is only two, and already I’m scraping together funds for essentials like swimming lessons. Often, I sacrifice my own needs, forgoing basics for myself. I dread when school will roll around and I need to buy iPads, “proper” birthday presents and my heart already breaks. I get birthday and Christmas presents for him from the op shop but of course, all his little friends I get new gifts. I’m always nervous that people will know I purchased their child’s birthday present in bulk on discount. With the high cost of daycare and no contribution from my ex, I can only afford to send my child three days a week, which limits my ability to work and earn more—perpetuating a vicious cycle.

I’ve built a small, supportive network through daycare, and many of my son’s friends have already been enrolled in schools, with their names put down for high schools. Meanwhile, I don’t even know where we’ll be able to afford to live in two to three years. It’s hugely disruptive for both myself and my son.

Whenever I call Child Support, they often say, “Don’t rely on the payments,” and I see similar sentiments echoed in Facebook groups. I see posts like, “I don’t want to pay child support,” and the first comment is, “Just get an ABN.” Of course, there’s always backlash, but it’s true—these are known loopholes. And the government chooses to do nothing about it. There are so many reports out there around the benefit of children growing up in financially stable households.

It seems like a single mother’s vote and the future generation are outweighed by the interests of those with more financial clout—like businessmen who can exploit loopholes to avoid their responsibilities. 

Child Support should be called evading parent support.

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At Fix Child Support, we acknowledge the strength and courage of those who share their personal experiences. These stories shed light on the challenges faced by many in the child support system, and we are committed to amplifying these voices in the fight for reform. If you would like to share your story with us, please email us!