My ex has been a Victorian police member for over 10 years and holds a very senior position, having previously worked in the family violence unit, supposedly helping women and children in need. Given his career, he knows the ins and outs of the system and uses that to further manipulate me. Since our separation, he has remarried, with his wife and his combined annual income estimated to be over $300K, not including rentals and side businesses under her ABN and name.

Despite his income, my ex constantly tries to reduce his child support payments. He has reduced his hours to part-time, claiming his income has dropped by $60k, but he works under his wife’s business, and this isn’t reflected in child support. Dropping his “estimated income” with child support was as easy as calling and telling them verbally that he would earn $60K less, despite them having last year’s income on file, they accepted this.

My Ex’s Financial Manipulation Means Our Boys Often Go Without 

I’ve had to cease swimming lessons and outside school activities due to costs and fuel. I cannot afford public school fees, and because these aren’t considered part of child support, my ex won’t help cover the $600 for school fees and uniforms. This year, the school changed uniforms, and though I’d saved my older son’s uniforms for his brother, I had to buy new uniforms for both boys, costing $1,000. Their school bags and hats were damaged by another student, but I can’t afford to replace them.

I’ve had to cancel my son’s school camp because I couldn’t afford the extra $450 by myself. I also can’t afford to throw birthday parties for my boys like their friends do. It’s heartbreaking, but I just can’t keep up.

The Burden on Me as a Parent

To make ends meet, I’ve picked up an extra day of work. This means I can’t take my sons to their therapies as I used to. I rely on therapists who visit them at school, but that limits options, and NDIS funding is eaten up by travel costs. My sons’ psychology appointments have had to stop because there are no school-based therapists, and I work business hours. Major appointments require my carer’s leave, and living in a rural town adds more expenses with long distances, fuel and parking.  I drop the boys off to before school care at 7:30 and I’m not finished to pick them up until 6pm. I bear the financial outlay to cover the costs of these increased before and after school care hours.

I try my best to ensure my boys have everything they need but I rely on Afterpay until the next child support payment arrives, which is often late. Meanwhile, their dad drives a new $70k car, spends weekends at Crown, and buys his wife $5,000 designer handbags.

Frustrations with the Child Support System

I am incredibly frustrated with the child support system. The paying parent can change their income estimate with no investigation or proof. I know of many paying parents who manipulate the system—working part-time or under an ABN and paying themselves less to reduce child support. Meanwhile, I have to provide evidence for every objection, while the paying parent doesn’t.

Child support accepts low estimates even when they don’t match previous years. My ex just submitted another low estimate. Child Support said this was his right, but if I tried to do the same, they’d refuse. Even when I asked for an investigation, they only looked at his accounts, not his wife’s, where their business and rental income goes.

The Ongoing Control

My ex is listed as having the children 20% of the time, but they’re really with their grandparents, who cover their expenses. The boys sleep on the floor at their grandparents’ house, but Child Support considers this fine. Challenging these issues gets nowhere—it’s like an extension of domestic violence, with more control after the relationship ends.

– From a hard-working Victorian mother of two, who wants her share her experience with income manipulation through Child Support

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At Fix Child Support, we acknowledge the strength and courage of those who share their personal experiences. These stories shed light on the challenges faced by many in the child support system, and we are committed to amplifying these voices in the fight for reform. If you would like to share your story with us, please email us!